Too long since i’ve subjected my little droogs to my brain-dribblings and antics…

Where to start? Weekend before last, i did a performance art piece, “Poetic Injustice”, conceptualized by the brilliant Guisef, onstage with the lovely Vine at the 1901 Gallery, where i read one of my poems, then was sliced up a bit (see below photo) in front of an unsuspecting crowd. We actually had an audience member faint…bwahahaha!
We wanted to do something not usually seen in a gallery setting - something that would pop a few eyeballs out of a few skulls; i believe we succeeded admirably…

Then this past weekend, i accompanied my partner in evil, Ron Fitzgerald to the Chicago Horror Film Festival, where we got to sit around and sell his movies along with fellow actor Vinne Bilancio (who deceptively plays the good-guy role in his films, typically…if people only knew…) and his sweetie-pie of a girlfriend Yoko, as well as director John Lechago. Had i not known better, never in a million years would i have suspected the twisted mind lurking behind the benign exterior of Mr. Lechago; he has the beaming, boyish sort of face that could sell toothpaste to a koala bear but ACTUALLY is gleefully creating green, slimy tentacle monsters that molest and mutilate pretty girls.
As for Ron, well - we all know he’s an Evil Sorcerer who sets women on fire and eats razor blades. What you see is what you get (and that’s why i adore him).
Also present were the sweet and wonderfully Wrong (just wrong, i tell you) Ms. Geo of Dollfaced Horrors and Mr. Willie of Deviant Desires Photography, amongst various other freaks - i got to meet Svengoolie! My childhood hero - le sigh…
My kind of lewdies.
Indeed, i met all sorts of interesting people - including this pervy old veck who enjoys having photos of himself taken whilst being choked by the ladies. He took quite a liking to me, i’m sorry to say - to the point where i was about to give him a nice kick to the groin - never mind this pansy choking business. It was irritating to say the least - so much so that Ron had to set him on fire, i’m afraid - but really things were getting a bit slow anyway and it was great entertainment.

All in all, i got my fix of nasty horror show goodness - and got to sneak a peek at John’s madness in action as he worked on effects for his latest project, Bio-Slime (how can you NOT want to see it, with a name like that? Plus, Ron does the voice of the monster); which was kind of like a horror-film lovers’ wet-dream. You better believe we’re going to go to the premier when it’s unleashed to the public.

And now, i must run. I have heinous scabrous wounds on my back to photograph…

“Did you send the strange jet-black demonic squirrel to lurk outside my building? I think he’s WATCHING me…”

“Why yes i did - how nice of you to notice! His name is Ludo the Destroyer.”

“He’s terribly cute. I fed him some Haggis, he seemed to enjoy it. Ludo the Destroyer…lol!”

“Yes. Ludo the Destroyer. Is he behaving himself?”

“Well, actually, he drank most of my Sangria. He’s a terrible drunkard. I had to send him home. I should have known it was you - it figures the Dark and Terrible Wizard would have a demonic squirrel as a familiar. Did you send him here to spy on me or is it for my protection?”

“Yes, he…Oh no! You sent him back here? But he was supposed to hang around there and fend off Evil Forces.”

“You mean like the jocks that hit on me when i walk past the frat houses?”

“Exactly. I can’t believe you sent him home in that condition.”

“Relax, i put him in a cab. I think he chewed up a pair of my underwear though. Pink thong. He’s a bit of a lech…”

“Yes, be careful - he’ll try to peek at you naked.”

“Too late…”

“Well, he told me he likes you. As a matter of fact we discussed it in depth - we both quite like you. I’m sure he’s sorry about the thong…”

“It was a pink one.”

“Well, i’ll have to send him back over with a nice new pink thong for you to make up for the one you lost. Although i can’t guarantee the condition it will arrive in…”

“You mean…”

“Yes, it may arrive…well…crotchless.”

“Sigh. It’s a conundrum.”

“Indeed.”